Leading up to his arrival

That day we left the doctor scared and not real sure what to do. I went threw all the stages of healing, To be honest you have to morn the loss of your "perfect" child before you can except your new adventure and it took a while. there are 7 stages of healing and i hit them all some more then once here are the stages:

• Shock or Disbelief: This is the fastest to get over although you often come back to the question why which will never be answered in this life
  

• Denial: I didn't really have much problem with this although i did say many times what if there wrong
  

• Bargaining: I didn't bargain much i did pray that if God would fix him I would never ask for anything again.
  

• Guilt: now this was a big one i still today sometimes struggle with. in the back of your mind you always wounder what if I would of ate better or taken viamins. The ever lingering question of what if.
  

• Anger: was another big one for me, I would go out in the woods find a big tree and stick and just yell and cry and hit the tree. I had to get it out, I had to vent and it got easier everyday. my advice is let it out dont hold it in, it makes things worse
  

• Depression: I did have depression and still do it is hard to watch your children suffer and have surgery after surgery
  

• Acceptance and Hope: and finally i hit the finale stage and accepted that we are in "Holland" and that life is going to be OK. (read poem on this site about Holland)
  

I think what helped us is we went and "interviewed" neuro surgons and knew who was going to be operating and exactlly what was going to happen. Not that they always do, but you at least felt like you had a little control of what was about to happen.